Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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