he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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