i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
