What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
