sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have post one night stand depression
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
And then he peed in my hair
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