what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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