So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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