She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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