The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
