can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
