It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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