I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
