I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
