I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
