Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
