guys are not supposed to queef...right?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
