I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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