beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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