life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
