Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
