one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
