just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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