I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
