so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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