I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We left the knife in your bed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
