My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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