it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
