Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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