I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize