i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
