Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
