He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
