If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
