He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
