the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
