This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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