I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
