I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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