i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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