2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't notice because vodka
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
