but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
