I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
