i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ketchup is God's man juice
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
