nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
