I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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