don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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