That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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