They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
