I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
