I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
