just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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