I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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