the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
