I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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