I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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