I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
