Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
