Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
