did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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