next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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