He asked to "fluff my boner.."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
