why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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