she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
