I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
