i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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