guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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