I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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