i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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