I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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