cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
