Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
