Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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