I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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