is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
