im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
