dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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